so recently I have been really stressed. I guess it’s mainly because I am moving from Virginia to Montana leaving all of my friends and family behind. this has caused me to start over eating, gaining weight, pulling out my hair, and just binge drinking at times. I haven’t gained that much weight but it’s triggered past thoughts of how I HAVE to stay skinny because that’s how everyone expects me to be. I’m afraid the little bit of weight I’ve gained will cause my husband to not find me attractive anymore. I’ve started thinking of purging or just straight up not eating. these thoughts feed into my trichotillomania causing me to pull out even more hair from one single spot which makes me feel ugly etc. anyways, tonight I was completely serious about purging for the first time ever and even was looking up pro Mia and pro Ana blogs on tumblr to validate my thoughts when I ran across an eating chart talking about what to eat and it got me thinking. I want to be vegetarian and need to cut the shit food out of my life. over eating is making me unhappy and I need to start thinking of food as fuel instead of something to make my hunger satisfied. I’m cutting out soda as much as I can, buying fruits and veggies, and making food from now on. also I am exercising. I will make myself better :)

19.Jun.12 1 year ago